Being a single parent is demanding, especially in today's hectic world. There are many added stresses that intensify day to day living. Single parents must take on many roles, such as mother/father, provider, teacher, friend, counselor, maid, cook, and chauffeur. There are other roles that must be acclimatized to the changing circumstances that come with parenthood, and this busy life can sometimes turn into a circus act. The key is to get the juggling act down and to enjoy life as it should be. Organization, communication, and yes, relaxation are the keys to obtaining healthy and stable families with a single mother or father.
Organization:
Cut back on buying! Lack of money can be a contributing factor to stress for single moms and single dads. Making a budget and sticking by it can cut the cost of frivolous spending. Saving and planning financially will prevent chaotic panic in the future. Although you may think you do not make enough or have enough left over in your budget to invest or save any money, every little bit will add up. Cutting coupons or using generic brands can save you money. Also, it is a good idea to make a shopping list, putting items in order, as you would see them in the store. This way you will shop for only what you need and are less likely to fill your cart with unnecessary items.
Just think, if you carefully monitored those savings and put it into an account every month, there would be hundreds if not thousands of dollars there to save for the future, your children's education, or even a family reward. Single parents do not always have a financial source to fall back on. Therefore, think of your family's future and save.
Organize your living space. Keep everyday items such as keys, bills, and important phone numbers in designated places so they will be easily accessible when needed. Get rid of any junk mail immediately to avoid piles or filing in the future. Make sure your children put their completed school materials and clothes for the next day in the same place each night. Make packed lunches the night before. Keep a calendar posted to mark down the family's doings and activities.
It is also a good idea to invest in organizational bins and gadgets to save single parent families a headache of a huge spring cleaning project. Have a chart to establish what chores are to be done when and by whom. It promotes responsibility as well as independence. Kids will feel a sense of importance knowing they are a vital part of your family team.
Organization will greatly ease the tension of your busy life for single moms and single dads.
Communication:
There are many emotions all family members will experience when a single parent household is established regardless of whether the reason is divorce, separation, or death of a spouse. Listen to your kids. Younger children have difficulty expressing their feelings. Let them know that it is normal to have feelings of anger, fear, or jealousy. Try and understand what they are thinking and feeling so you can help them channel their emotions and behaviors in a healthy manner. Communicate on a daily basis with your child. Having a close relationship with your children will open up a feeling of security and dependability within the family.
Sooner or later single parents will come across the dating issue. Often times single moms and single dads feel guilty about re-entering the dating scene. Although single parents live day to day for the well being of their children, they have to remember they have to live there lives as well. It is understandable that there are concerns for the child's feelings of confusion and jealousy. Children can feel such distress and resentment because the non-custodial spouse no longer resides or has a relationship with the custodial parent. Also, when a new companion comes into the picture, children sometimes feel jealous that the parent's attention is not solely on him/her.
When you do decide the time is right to date, introduce your significant other as a friend. Perhaps let your children know you talk to that person on the phone and like to do fun things together. It might be a wise decision to meet in a public place with your children and boyfriend/girlfriend until the kids are comfortable and get to know him/her. A family dinner at home or a holiday gathering may be a little too much too soon for your children to understand your transition into the dating scene.
Many families in the past decades consist of blended families. Step parenting also consists of constant communication between the parents. Discipline issues should be well defined between the custodial parent and spouse. Children need to understand that actions have repercussions and consequences, and disciplining is out of love to help the child develop into a productive adult. Often children will think the stepparent is just being mean. A loving relationship between child and stepparent is ideal to ensure the child grows up understanding that not all families have an "original" mom and dad- and that's okay!
Relaxation:
The ideal household would run smoothly with no problems at all. However, that household belongs in a 1950's sitcom series. This is real life, and complications will arise. It is about how we handle the load that is given to us. By staying organized and budgeting money, there should be more quality time for the family to spend together. Keep in mind you do not have to go to expensive theme parks and spend a lot of money on family outings. It is the time you spend with your kids that they will remember and enjoy.
Single parenting is tough. Take time for yourself. You need to relax and take a break from time to time. Read a good book, exercise, take up a anew hobby, or join a social club. It is crucial not to be engulfed solely in the stressful life that single parents live. Remember your doing a good job as a single parent, and your kids will love and appreciate the hard work, effort, and love you are giving to them. |
Editor's Note:
There are an increasing number of single parent families, either following a divorce, death, separation, or by choice. Current estimates are that there are over 13 million of single parent families.
Single parents have a lot of concerns and fears for their children, especially for their emotional well being. Children have their own worries and fears, including worrying that they are the cause for the other parent being gone and a fear that their current parent may also leave. If your child is having a hard time adjusting to living as a single parent family, if he is depressed, overly angry, or if he is having a lot of behavioral problems, then you should consider seeing a counselor or psychologist for help.
It is important to continue being a parent after becoming a single mom or a single dad. You should not feel guilty that you child is growing up in a single parent household and you should continue to discipline your children and to set age appropriate limits. Many single parents make the mistake of giving in to all of their child's wants in an attempt to compensate for being a single parent, and they do not set any limits. This will make your child spoiled, not happy.
Many single parents, especially single mothers, begin sleeping with their children. While this is not always wrong or bad, you should think about why you are doing it before you create this habit. Children often have a hard time giving up bedsharing after they have become used to it. And it will not make them feel more loved or secure.
During and after a divorce, it is important to protect your child from any conflict that may exist between you and your spouse. If possible, both parents should cooperate in raising their children, especially if they have joint custody. And don't speak badly of the other parent in front of your children or criticize what they do together.
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