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Children development in different ways and at different times. This sometimes makes it hard for parents and Pediatricians to understand when a child isn't developing 'normally'.
Although it is important to recognize developmental problems so that you can get your child help as early as possible, it is just as important to recognize what's normal so that you don't overreact.
For example, one infant might start rolling over as early as 2 months and another might not roll over until they are 5-6 months old. Or an infant might not start walking until 10 months, 12 months, or 15 months, and would still be considered normal.
Since 90 percent of kids are walking well by 15 months, after that, it may indicate a problem if your child isn't walking yet. It could also be normal though, since 10 percent of kids don't walk well until after 15 months. Your Pediatrician should be able to tell if you should wait a little longer or if it might indicate a problem. Among the things your Pediatrician might consider include whether your child is able to walk while holding on to something, if he has normal muscle strength and muscle tone, and if his hips are normal.
In evaluating a child with a mild delay, you might also consider the timing of when he picked up other milestones. If he was late rolling over, sitting up, and pulling up, then it makes sense that he might be late walking too. Pediatricians often worry more about children who are delayed and aren't catching up or if they seem to be losing milestones.
Older children can have delays too, although delays in later milestones are often harder to notice than developmental delays in younger children. Milestones in preschool age children might include more subtle things, like balancing on one foot, walking heel-to-toe, wiggling his thumb, or copying a square. In these children, parents are more likely to notice tasks that their children aren't able to do, like riding a tricycle, getting dressed, or brushing their teeth.
If children develop at different rates, how do you know when something isn't normal? The first step is to trust your instincts and ask your Pediatrician.
So if your three year old starts stuttering, instead of correcting her or asking her to repeat herself, you can see your Pediatrician who will likely tell you that it is a normal developmental stage that your child will outgrow. This also applies to school age children who develop tics, involuntary muscular movements, which often go away after a few months.
In either of the above cases, if you overreact and tell your child to stop stuttering or blinking his eyes (a tic), the added stress may make things worse or make it more likely that they won't go away.
That doesn't mean that everything is normal. While it may be normal for a three year old to start having accidents if you bring home a new baby, it isn't normal for an older child to soil himself (encopresis). And while a preschooler may have trouble paying attention, your older child should be able to concentrate on things without getting easily distracted.
When trying to decide if your child has a developmental problem, you might also:
- try not to rely only on comparisons to other children of the same age, especially for infants and toddlers
- consider how your child's 'problem' is affecting her day to day functioning. For example, if your child is shy, it is less likely to be a problem if she has a few good friends, talks to her teacher when necessary, and is social with close friends and family. On the other hand, a shy or anxious child who won't go to school or talk to anyone, likely does has a problem (selective mutism, anxiety, autism, etc.).
- consider how long or how many times your child has done a behavior you are concerned about. Lying or swearing one or two times can be normal if your child stops after being told it is wrong. It may be a problem if it continues though.
- see your Pediatrician or a developmental specialist for more help
- read a parenting book to get more help identifying what's normal, including:
- Is My Child OK? - get information about stress, anxiety, fears, separation anxiety, shyness, lying, fighting, masturbation, language disorders, etc. so that you can understand 'when behavior is a problem, when it's not, and when to seek help'.
- Does Your Child Have a Hidden Disability? - get help identifying 'invisible' disabilities that are often overlooked, like autism, asperger syndrome, and learning disabilities. Includes self help checklists to help you decide when to look for help and how to do it.
- So This is Normal Too? - offers help dealing with many 'normal' behaviors, like lying, biting, and tattling.
Whether or Not to 'Wait and See'?
Once you bring your concerns about your child's development to your doctor, parents are often frustrated when they get a quick 'that's normal' or are told to just wait and see if they catch up. While that can be an appropriate response, you should be reassured about your child after the visit. To help gain reassurance, you can ask your doctor why they think its normal, how long to wait, and what the next step is after the waiting time.
Again, you should trust your instincts and get a second opinion if you still think something is wrong. This is especially important if you return after the waiting period and are told to wait some more.
Sources for more help might include an Early Childhood Intervention program, a Pediatric Neurologist, or a Developmental Pediatrician.
Some normal things you might notice as your child develops:
- a wide range of ages and times when children pick up big milstones, like rolling over, sitting up, walking, and talking.
- stuttering in preschool age children
- motor tics in preschool and younger school age children
- differences in personalities, including that some children are very shy and quite, while others are very outgoing
- occasional 'strange' behaviors, like a two year old who puts his hands in his diaper and smears his poop all over
- occasional 'difficult' behaviors as your child tests his limits or experiments, like lying, swearing, biting, etc.
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