By Mark Brandenburg MA

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"Dad, can we stop and get some ice cream on the way home? I'll pay for it with my own money."

I cringed when I heard it. My six-year-old son knew exactly what he wanted. Lately, he'd shown a strong interest in ice cream. He'd also been showing a strong will.

It was a challenging combination.

I summoned my courage, and said the words that so many courageous parents have said before me:

"Maybe, we'll see."

When we left the store, I drove the car past the ice cream shop, wondering whether he'd forgotten.

"Dad, you said we could get some ice cream!"

"Well, I don't think that's what I said. We'll get some another time."

My son fumed in the back seat, angered by the injustice of my decision. I felt badly as well, but it had nothing to do with stopping for ice cream. My decision to give my son a "maybe" answer, when I knew the answer should be "no," was the problem. My desire to avoid an argument was the problem. And, my decision to seek harmony over truth was the problem.

As our kids get older, they become skilled negotiators. We can easily tire of the endless parade of arguments about what to wear, what they own, or when they need to be home.

Unlike times when they were younger, our kids can skillfully make their own case. At certain points, we choose harmony over truth. And when we do this enough, we create problems in our family.

Our kids will emulate what they see from us. When we avoid the truth, our kids will do the same. And there are many ways we can avoid the truth.

We avoid the truth when we tell our kids they're doing a "great job" when they're really not trying very hard. We avoid the truth when we allow our kids to say and do things that hurt others without consequences. And we avoid the truth when we fail to tell our kids our honest expectations for them.

There is an old saying: "The truth shall set you free, but first it will make you miserable."

Are you telling the truth in your family?

Your kids can handle it.

And believe it or not, so can you.

Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, coaches busy parents by phone to balance their life and improve their family relationships. For a FREE twenty minute sample session by phone; ebooks, courses, articles, and a FREE newsletter, go to http://www.markbrandenburg.com. or email him at mark@markbrandenburg.com.

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