|
When you consider some of the signs of low self-esteem, you realize how important it is for your children to have high self-esteem. Kids with low self-esteem get frustrated easily, don't try new things, blame others for their problems, may quit things easily, and tend to be easily influenced by others.
Since there is going to come a time in your child's life when he will be on his own and have to make his own decisions, you don't want him to simply be a follower who can easily be influenced by his peers, who may lead him into making the wrong decisions.
On the other hand, a child with high self-esteem will likely be more independent, responsible, and confident in himself. And will hopefully be more likely to make good decisions throughout his life.
To help build your child's self-esteem you should avoid empty praise, criticizing your child too much, and have realistic expectations for what your child can do.
Avoid Empty Praise
While praise is important, there does come a time when empty praise or complimenting everything your child does cause it to lose its meaning.
For example, if your child scribbles a quick picture, saying that it is the best drawing in the world is going to have different meaning to a three year old versus a seven year old. The toddler's face will likely light up as she takes pride in her picture and you will know that you are helping to build her self-esteem. On the other hand, the older child may be more suspicious if it isn't really a good picture, say whatever, and move on to something else.
Instead of empty praise, especially for older children, you should focus on your child's strengths and be descriptive in your praise. So even if it isn't the best drawing, compliment your child's choice of colors or the theme she chose to right about.
Too Much Criticism
Another problem is that some parents are overly critical of their children. And unfortunately, many of them don't even realize that they are doing it. This can happen when you try to give your child a compliment, but you end up adding a negative twist to it, like: "You did a great job cleaning your room, but why did it take you do long?" or "but why did I have to ask you so many times?"
If you aren't sure if your 'compliments' are also critical, write some of them down and then rephrase them so that they are coming from your spouse, mother-in-law, boss, or a parent, etc., and see how it makes you feel. Does it still seem like a compliment?
Parents can also be overly critical because they tend to focus too much on negative things. For example, you might not say anything on the days that your child is ready for school on time, but the one day he is late you may make a fuss and criticize him. It would have been better to offer praise on those days that he was ready on time with a simple 'thank you for being ready.'
Unrealistic Expectations
Another issue that can lead kids to having low self-esteem can occur when parents have unrealistic expectations of their kids or a poor 'fit' with their kids. This often happens when children have very different personalities, temperaments, and interests from one or both parents.
For example, a parent might be very social, while their child is overly shy. Or a parent is very athletic and they have a studious child who doesn't like sports at all.
Parents can also have unrealistic expectations if they try to compare one child to another.
Building Self-Esteem
To help build your child's self-esteem you should provide them with a safe, secure, loving home and:
- be descriptive, generous, and detailed with your praise
- spend a lot of time with your kids
- help your kids feel special
- find your child's strengths and encourage activities that play well to those strengths and his interests
- let your children solve problems on their own without your jumping in to save them all of the time
- don't fix or correct everything that they do
- give them chores at home so that they can feel like an important part of the family
- allow them to become involved in family decisions on an age appropriate basis
- teach your kids to learn from their mistakes
- avoid being overly critical of your kids
- get professional help if your child has low self-esteem and you aren't able to build it back up
|
