How to Protect Kids from Cyber-Bullying
By Dr. Michele Borba
Author of Nobody Likes…Everybody Hates Me
Half of American kids surveyed the past six months said they or someone they knew have been victimized on the Internet
Mom and Dad, wake up: If you assume your child is using that fancy home computer to stimulate his brain, think again. The hottest new trend has kids using those keyboards to send vile, hateful and highly slanderous messages about their peers through the Internet. Once confined to playgrounds, bullying has hit cyberspace, cell phones and pagers, and it's both serious and sophisticated. So what should a parent do if their child is cyberbullied?
The first step is for parents to be aware of just how prevalent cyberbullying is these days. Where we once thought we just had to protect children from adult predators using the Internet, we now need to shield kids from one another."
Cyberbullying is most common around the middle school years, but is making its way into the younger set. Kids now a days are electronically savvy, but make no mistake: the behavior is all about intentionally causing another pain (bullying), and parents must be far more vigilante. The two biggest mistakes adults make is not taking children's complaints seriously, and allowing bullying in the first place.
There are some specific ways to protect kids from bullying both in cyberspace and on the playground. Parents today need a closer "electronic leash" on their kids and need to be more tuned into the cyberspace trend. This isn't about being controlling--this is good parenting. Here is what to do if your child is cyberbullied:
- Hold "the talk." If your child isn't talking about cyberbullying, don't assume he hasn't been affected. Start the discussion: "What have you heard about…?" "What are other kids saying…?" Let your child know you're aware of this new trend and you are on the alert and are monitoring your computer.
- State your values. Never assume your child understands why cyberbullying is cruel and wrong. Take time to explain: "In this house we believe in kindness. I expect you to be kind." Be clear on your values.
- Dig deeper. Inform school officials or contact the police if it continues. Get the facts so you can create a safety plan for your child: How often is this happening, when, where, and by whom?
- Set clear "electronic" rules. "Never put anything on a cell phone, I-Message, website, email or pager that is hurtful." "Never send anything you wouldn't want said about you."
- Save evidence. Tell your child if he ever receives something that is hurtful, slanderous, hateful, to save or print the message. You may need it to identify the bully or contact their parents with evidence.
- Block further communication. If your child is victimized change your phone number or e-mail account, and talk to your provider. Contact police for threats of violence and extortion.
- Monitor that computer. Keep your computer in a central space and out of your kid's bedroom.
- Pull the plug. If your child ever uses a cell phone, pager, answering machine, or fax, to send vicious gossip or hate, remove the electronic gizmo from your kid and pull the computer plug from power surge.
- Teach assertive skills. Research finds that kids who learn how to be assertive and appear more confident are less likely to be targeted by bullies. In fact, studies show it's often not how "different" your child looks or acts but rather her victim-like demeanor that makes her an easy target. So teach your child an arsenal of strategies she can use to defuse a bully and then practice with her until she feels confident in using them on her own.
- Take your child seriously. This is painful stuff and your child needs your empathy and support. Watch your child carefully and tune into his or her emotional signs. Don't let your child be victimized.
Michele Borba, Ed.D. is an internationally renowned educational consultant and author of 20 books including Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me, Building Moral Intelligence, No More Misbehavin', and Don't Give Me That Attitude! She is recognized for her practical, solution-based strategies to strengthen children's behavior and social development. She has lectured to over one million participants and has been featured on NPR Radio, the Today Show, The Early Show, The View, Fox & Friends, MSNBC, and been interviewed by Redbook, Newsweek, U.S. News & World Report, and many others. She is an advisory board member for Parents magazine, is a former classroom teacher and mom of three. For more about Dr. Borba visit www.behaviormakeovers.com.
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