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| Main > Parenting Tips > Preschool > Disciplining your Preschool Age Child |
Disciplining Your Preschooler
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| At this age children may begin to misbehave intentionally (as they are testing your limits), and they can still do things that are dangerous or disruptive. The best way to deal with these behaviors is to try and distract them with a different, safer activity. As they are getting older you will also need to set limits and discipline them at times and keep them on a daily routine.
Preschool age children should be able to follow simple rules, respond to your commands, should have the self control to wait for things that he wants and deal with any frustrations that he may develop from not getting his own way.
Children misbehave for many reasons, and it is important to try and find the reason for your child's behavior problems. Some reasons can include jealousy, feeling that they aren't getting enough positive attention, being frustrated, and during times of stress. Remember that when your child misbehaves, he will usually get a lot of attention. Even though this attention is negative, it can sometimes reinforce the problem behaviors if this is the only type of attention that he is getting. This is why time out and extinction and many other discipline techniques work.
Avoid yelling or hitting or getting too worked up during episodes when your child misbehaves. This just increases the negative attention that your child receives and reinforces that it is all right to get out of control and be aggressive. Remain calm while administering punishment. You should walk away if you feel that you may physically hurt your child.
It is probably better to try and reward and praise good behavior to reinforce it, rather then having to change bad behaviors. To promote good behavior, you should spend special time with your child as often as possible, so that he is getting all of the attention that he needs. You should also be very clear about your expectations for your child, state rules in clear and simple terms, apply consequences for misbehavior as soon as possible after the incident, make punishments brief, be consistent with your rules and punishments and learn to ignore minor or unimportant behaviors.
Some tips for effectively disciplining your child include trying to avoid power struggles, offer simple choices as often as possible, make a game out of good behavior (have a race to put toys away, etc.), plan ahead (if he always gets in trouble at the grocery store have a plan setup before you go), and learn to pay positive attention to your child by ‘catching' them being good. Let them know when you are happy that they are being good or when they have accomplished a positive achievement.
Some strategies that can work to improve your child's behavior include allowing your child to see the natural consequences of his actions (if he throws and breaks a toy, then he can't play with it), logical consequences (if he doesn't put his toys away, then you will put them away and he can't play with them all day), withholding privileges (find things that your child enjoys, for example, playing Nintendo, renting movies, etc. and take them away for a few days when he misbehaves) and time out. Reward or token systems can also be effective in changing bad behaviors.
Extinction is another discipline technique that may work in your school age child. With this technique, when your child misbehaves or is diruptive, you stop paying attention to your child. This approach is best for temper tantrums and frequent whining, or other disruptive type behaviors.
Always remember to be firm, consistent, calm and loving in whatever discipline methods you choose. You can have a discussion about the misbehavior at a later time when you have both calmed down druing which you can try and suggest a more appropriate alternative behavior. Also, reassure your child that it is just the behavior that your don't like. |
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Temper Tantrums
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| Temper tantrums are a way for your child to express feelings of anger or frustration. While they are a normal part of the development of toddlers, by this age they should be happening infrequently. They usually increase when children are hungry, tired or ill and you should try to help them cope with these situations. You should try to ignore attention-seeking or demanding tantrums and avoid situations that you know will lead to a tantrum (including changes in their regular daily schedule). If you can see that your child is getting overly frustrated and that a tantrum is coming, you can try to distract him and shift his attention to something else.
Help your child to realize that temper tantrums don't work are not going to help them get out of doing things that they need to do. Remember to praise your child when he controls his temper and cooperates with what you want him to do and set a good example for your child by remaining calm and not getting fired-up or out of control.
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Time Out
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| Time out is a very effective discipline technique and will work with children as young as 18-24 months old. By using this method of discipline you are giving your child time out from positive or negative reinforcement (which includes any parental reaction such as yelling or hitting) after he misbehaves. Prepare a time out chair, which can be a chair in any room of the house, a space on the floor, the child's bed, etc. or any place where he is isolated from interaction with others. Use a kitchen timer to count down your child's punishment time, which is usually one minute per year of age.
When you want your child to follow a command, present it in a firm, but pleasant voice. Allow your child about five seconds to do what you have asked, and if he does not, then make direct eye contact with him and say "If you do not do what I asked, then you are going to sit in that chair" (and point to his time out chair). After this warning, if he still does not do what you have asked, then take him by the wrist or arm and say "You have not done what I asked, so you have to go to your time out chair." Give these commands in a louder and firmer voice to get your child's attention, but do not yell or get angry. Now take him to his time out chair, ignoring any protests or promises he may make, and say "You stay in your time out chair until I tell you to get up." He must now stay in time out until he has been quiet for the punishment time you have set for him (usually one minute per year of age). Remember that time out does not begin until your child has been quiet, even if takes several minutes or an hour. After he completes his time out, then he is to agree to do what you had told him to do or if he had been misbehaving, agree to not to it again, otherwise he is to go into time out again.
If your child leaves the time out chair, put him back in the chair and warn him "If you get out of the chair again, I am going to punish you (by removing some desired activity/possesion)". If he gets up again, just put him back in the chair without warning him again and apply the punishment. If he continues to get out of the chair, you can send him to his room for the time out period (remove all toys, TV, videogames, etc…).
You should probably only pick one or two forms of misbehavior that you will punish with time out when you first start to use this method. You can then expand time out to other bad behaviors after a few weeks.
Time out can also be used outside of the home, such as in stores, restaurants, etc. If your child often misbehaves in a certain setting, such as the grocery store, you should stop before entering the store and go over the rules that you expect your child to follow. Have you child repeat these rules and set up an incentive program that can reward your child if he does follow all of the rules. If he refuses to repeat the rules you can place him in time out in the car. Also, give a warning about what will happen if he misbehaves inside the store. If he does break one of the rules place him in timeout.
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Time In
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| Time in is a special time that you spend with your child. During this time, you should participate in an interactive activity with your child. It is usually best to let your child pick the activity and during this time you should avoid being judgmental and play by his rules. If possible, you should schedule this special time each day, or at least a few times each week. This time should be spent one on one with your child. If you have more than one child, then each should have his own special time. Each parent should also have a separate special time with each child.
If your child misbehaves during this special time, you should try and ignore it. For more serious disruptions, apply a time out or end the session. Try to schedule the time when you won't be interrupted
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