Six Questions Parents Can Ask to
Create More Peaceful Holidays
By Vickie Falcone
Author of Buddha Never Raised Kids and Jesus Didn't Drive Carpool: Seven Principles for Parenting With Soul
Ahh, the holidays. Quiet mornings in a blanket of fresh snow, baking cookies with the kids, humming holiday tunes while you sip hot toddies by the fire.
It's a vision we all share as the holidays draw near. And it's often a train wreck by the time they get here. Financial stress, frenzied shopping and feuding relatives can bring us crashing back to reality.
Here are the TOP SIX questions that parents can ask themselves in order to de-stress and create peaceful holidays - in spite of it all.
- Have I taken time to create my vision for the holidays? First and foremost, instead of recalling the stresses of Christmas past, create a picture in your mind of what you want to experience this holiday season. The surest way to get there is to envision yourself there first. What we focus on grows, so be clear, be confident and think happiness, not perfection. Remember the words of Emerson, "Be very careful what you set your heart upon, for you will surely have it."
- Have I taken care of myself ? It's not selfish. It's smart! We can only give others what we authentically possess. So during the holidays, even more than other times of the year, it is vitally important that we attend to our mental, physical and spiritual renewal. It can be as simple choosing to skip trimming the bonsai or baking another dozen cookies and opting for a centering practice like sipping a cup of tea, reading a book or going for a walk.
- Have I made connecting with my child more important than holiday logistics? A year from now no one will remember if your holiday cards arrived two days late; but your kids will remember that you played the part of a lamb in their living room Christmas play; and they will cherish it.
- Have I expressed my appreciation? Forget the thank you notes to Aunt Emma for the fruitcake. Did you remember to thank the dry cleaner for getting that little black dress ready on time, or tell the school bus driver to have a well-deserved break? Most importantly, express your gratitude to your family, not just for what they do, but for who they are.
- Have I remembered what my child really craves this season: my presence, more than my presents? Remember to make frequent eye contact, get on their level, and offer a loving touch - when they're grown they'll remember the feelings associated with the holidays much more than the gifts they received.
- Am I willing to let go of the things I cannot change? Uncle Harry may still drink too much, your kids may still fight and your mother-in-law may never like your latkes, but YOU have the power to change it all, simply by changing your reaction to it.
Last but certainly not least…make a list of things you do want to change. Incorporate those into your vision of peace for next year -- which brings us back to number one: "Take time to create your vision."
Vickie Falcone is the emerging voice of today's parents. She is founder of Positive Parenting Network and author of Buddha Never Raised Kids and Jesus Didn't Drive Carpool: Seven Principles for Parenting with Soul (Jodere, 2003).
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